Dreams, Shame, Perseverance, & Sharing the Story

The first (and only) teaching job I took for secondary education ended abruptly for a variety of reasons, but mainly, I knew that teaching junior high and high school wasn’t for me. I knew it before I ever stepped foot in the classroom when I was discouraged from choosing female-based narratives that were in the curriculum. I was told quite bluntly by the chair of the department, “No one relates to stories told by a woman or a girl. Not even the girls relate.” She (yes, that’s right, the chair was a woman) went on to say that the students just sit there–no one talks–so I should pick from the male authors.

I now stand in the middle of this publishing endeavor I’ve begun and try to steady my feet. Most of the time, I’m literally running and setting ideas in motion, all of which relate to female-based narratives. Lately, I’ve been thinking about my orbits more than usual, watching how quickly they manifest into more orbits, and analyzing how my patterns affect the creativity of other authors and artists, editors and graphic artists… and now, a sound engineer.

On the eve of the Southern Festival of Books, I took a long look back at the women who inspired the courage and tenacity, the fighting spirit to create outside of the industry’s model. And, this work definitely requires tough skin. I don’t have it, really…I just won’t be stopped. I keep going no matter what because I believe in the mission to make the work of women authors available, to give those authors fair royalties, and to create a partnership with them that gives voice to their work in the way that they envision.

My voice was damaged during junior high by a humiliating experience of religious and social bullying that spilled into my education–completely shamed and denigrated, I promised myself that I would never do that to someone else, that I would strive to empower my friends and family members, and that I would support them in their dreams whenever possible. Of course, this promise I made wasn’t always reciprocated or even appreciated, but I wasn’t going to stop trying. I seek out opportunities that allow me to fulfill my promise to my previously wounded self.

Luckily, I found unbelievable partners and teammates in Terry Morris (my husband and now, business manager), Beverly Fisher (the first author to publish under Thorncraft’s imprint), and Kitty Madden (Thorncraft’s editor). These three people put their trust in my talents and vision, as I sought to show the world our work.

Moments of complete exasperation and desperation have plagued my emotions during the tasks that felt particularly sweaty and even bloody (metaphorical paper cuts will getcha & can turn into all-out paperwork warfare). Yet, I have persevered until we are taking new steps–recording audio books for our titles, getting Lightning Source distribution in motion, and signing another author.

All of this causes a wash of gratitude for the women in my past who read & appreciated books and shared that with me. The influences of these women motivate me even today–my Mom who tried to purchase enough books to satisfy me from the time I was a child through college; my aunt Nancy & her love of biographies; my aunt Julie and her joy for Emily Dickinson (yes, joy for Dickinson–I know, right? joy is a tough sell for Emily, but that is exactly what my aunt has always expressed); my high school friends who skipped some kind of senior class meeting with me to read “Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard” and talk about poetry for English class; Ms. Mallernee and her love of English literature, her contagious penmanship, and her demand for recitation; Jill Eichhorn & her knowledge of literature by and about women; Dr. Christian who became my teaching mentor & allowed me to enjoy teaching adults, & she taught me to savor the short story; Christy O’Brien and her penchant for both creepy books and self-help titles; Diane McLain & her encouragement to be a rebel all while reading science fiction; and last, but certainly not least, Rita Yerrington, who reads more library books than anyone I know, and her unwavering faith in the power of pure determination. (<–I adore that long, stringy sentence dedicated to women) These women are intelligent and unique. I'm so grateful for the inspiration they provided to me, for it continues to manifest in the lives of so many other women.

I'm eager to continue creating new work and look forward to telling you about our new author and new title in the coming days.
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Don’t miss it:
We’ll be at the Southern Festival of Books this weekend, October 11-13, in Downtown Nashville at the War Memorial Plaza. Free event.
Friday: noon-6 p.m.
Saturday: 9 a.m.-6 p.m.
Sunday: noon-5 p.m.

Visit us at the Thorncraft Publishing booth. Both Beverly and I will be signing books.

Writing on the Wall–Mom’s Creative Freedom

Today is the last day that Zoe will be six years old.
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Three years ago, we started a drawing on her wall. My first inclination was to control the drawing. She wanted a fairy, and I would oblige with a “good” drawing. She could sit back and watch me draw the fairy and I would let her color the wings….that was the plan. As I started to draw, I noticed her restraint and control–she tried to suppress her desire to draw something on her own, separate from me. I knew she was struggling with whether or not it was okay for her to draw on the walls. I had a choice—be controlling or offer creative freedom.
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After all, I reasoned, these are my walls in a home that we own. No, I corrected myself, these are Zoe’s walls in a home that we own. I walked out of the room and into my office, which is also in our house, and retrieved a permanent marker for her. I explained that she couldn’t write on any other walls of the house, but she could do whatever she wanted in her own room. Some parents will cringe at the freedom I have given to Zoe. Freedom to paint, color, draw, or stick whatever she wants on her walls. Yes, whatever she wants!
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And, this is what she (along with me, her Dad, her baby sister, and her more courageous friends) have created in the past 3 years. Surprisingly, most of Zoe’s friends would NOT write on the walls, even when I assured them that they could. Almost as if Santa or some invisible, parental force watched them, the girls look around nervously, like this creative freedom is a trick.
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Creative freedom and simplicity mean so much more to me than anything formal, organized, and coordinated. It has been therapeutic for all of us. The baby scribbles. I retreat and draw roses, daffodils, and a flower garden when I feel anxiety or sadness. At bedtime, we sit on the bed and draw, draw, draw.
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My heart wilted when Zoe recently said that she wants to paint her room in the next few months. She’s growing up, and wants “plain colors.” I was terrified that she’d want taupe or sand or some other faded, muted, dulled color like I, and most people, have shrouding the living room. But, she said, “I want to paint the top half red and the bottom half, purple.” I’ll still miss drawing on her walls when the time comes for me to grow up with my daughter.
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Some Stories Choose You as a Writer

“Don’t you think some stories choose you?” I was asked this question after expressing my frustration with readers’ questions about why I wrote a book about a military family. So many people assume that the main character is me–that I was once married to a soldier. However, reading and listening informed me more than my personal experience.

I’ve read War/Military fiction since I was in junior high. Much later, I began writing the novel, Multiple Exposure. I began writing without realizing my personal influences on the work. If I consider only one branch of my own family tree, I can begin in the Revolutionary War with my great-great-great-great grandfather, Jeremiah Brown, who served in the North Carolina Militia. In that tradition, many of my relatives have served and do serve in almost all branches of the military.

But, it’s more than that. I’ve met soldiers and found myself listening for hours to details about many aspects of daily life during wars, skirmishes, the waiting, the wanting, and more. I’m often completely surprised by the disclosures and don’t expect them. My husband’s grandfather, Glen, gifted me with his story, and I wasn’t aware that he had been a soldier, even though I had been writing letters to him for about five years. Glen was awarded a Purple Heart for his service during WWII. I met Glen for the first time on my wedding day, and after that, I wrote many letters to him. He enjoyed my stories, and even though I tried my best to get him talking, Glen wasn’t a man of many words. He appreciated my letters about college and our new home in Memphis, our time in the Netherlands, and our struggles to find work after college. The last time I saw him, we went to a Mexican restaurant and drank a big pitcher of margaritas. I was having doubts about becoming a “real writer”. That’s when Glen told me that I could do anything and not to let people hold me back, and then he told me more about his life than my husband had ever known. He described what it was like to get shot in WWII, and how he didn’t realize it at first. He chuckled, and said, “The book in my pocket saved my life. Very small book, but it saved my life.” That book turned out to be a Bible. I don’t think it was complete, but maybe one of those “half” Bibles–The New Testament with Psalms and Proverbs. I quickly noticed that most of his stories were loaded with symbolism like that–little, but weighted. They contained heft.

I’ve applied his metaphor over and over… until, in my own mental story realm, that small book is ragged, creased, and over-used. Though, he was correct. The small books save my life. They save me from boredom, fear, and anxiety. The small books inspire me with their raw truth and courage. I made a promise to myself to write about war with consideration for how inconsiderate the very idea of war is in our lives. And when considerations are maintained in war procedures, it doesn’t seem possible that considerate humans could still be at war, which means killing one another, among other activities. With that promise and those considerations in my heart, Multiple Exposure wasn’t an easy book to write. The story definitely chose me one scene at a time along the way.

On this 4th of July, Many Thanks to soldiers who serve honorably. My gratitude goes to their families.

To read more about war/military fiction offerings, visit http://www.thorncraftpublishing.com

Southern Festival of Books

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25TH ANNUAL SOUTHERN FESTIVAL OF BOOKS, October 11-13, 2013. Thorncraft Publishing will be an exhibitor at the festival. I will be signing copies of Multiple Exposure, and Beverly Fisher, author of Grace Among the Leavings, will be signing copies of her new novella. The Southern Festival of Books is FREE and open to the public. War Memorial Plaza, Nashville, Tennessee. Stop by the Thorncraft booth and visit us!

Festival Times:
Friday, October 11, 2013: 12:00 noon – 6:00 p.m.
Saturday, October 12, 2013: 9:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.
Sunday, October 13, 2013: 12:00 noon -5:00 p.m.